“OPEN LETTER TO…” by Alison Grambs

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To the Man One Word Behind:  We spend every Christmas in Maine.  And every Christmas Eve our family braces against the cold and snow to drive into the picturesque town of Portland to attend Christmas Eve Mass at the Episcopal Cathedral there.  And every year, there you are, a disembodied voice singing along to the […]

“Close Calls” – by Alison Grambs

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Whenever I announce to those who know me well that I am ‘taking a drive’ the reaction seems to be the same. Whoever happens to be on the receiving end of my announcement instantly winces. Then cringes. Then steps back a few feet and asks me the same question. “You sure that’s a good idea, […]

“I HAVE THE POWER!”- by Alison Grambs

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So, here I am in a house. I’ve never been in a house. Well, I’ve been in a house, of course.  I’m not a complete loser.  But not a house that I had an actual right to stay in for an extended period of time.  And yet, here I am… right this very minute… in […]

“THIS IS THE YEAR I’M GONNA…” – by Alison Grambs

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As 2013 draws to a close, and we all look to the new beginnings that a new year brings, it is time for me to hunker down and draft my resolutions. 2014 is the year I’m going to be more patient… unless someone is really, really annoying, in which case, I’m going to just throw […]

“OPEN LETTER TO: #3″– by Alison Grambs

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OPEN LETTER TO: DASHER, DANCER, PRANCER, VIXEN, COMET, CUPID, DONNER & VIXEN: I get it. Trust me. I totally get it. It can’t be easy playing second fiddle to Rudolph all the time. Seems he gets all the attention, right? All because of that friggin’ stupid blinking red nose of his. A nose that, in […]

“Open Letter To: #2″- by Alison Grambs

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OPEN LETTER TO: THE WOMAN IN THE PUBLIC RESTROOM: Ma’am, I have no idea what you were doing in that stall for so long. There was so much noise going on from your corner of the restroom, all that huffing and puffing and grunting and sighing,that I am inclined to assume you brought a traveling […]

“Open Letter To: #1″- by Alison Grambs

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Open Letter To:  The little boy on the commuter bus:  You are utterly adorable.  In a day and age when most 9 year-olds barely make eye contact, you are a tribute to your generation.  How very brave you were, traveling alone on the bus, so relaxed and well-behaved as we trudged along the Long Island […]

“Stay Gold, Ponyboy. Stay Gold”- by Alison Grambs

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My husband and I take Halloween quite seriously.   Inevitably, just a few paltry days into each October we have already outfitted our front door with Halloween decor -everything from  life-sized skeletons and ghouls, to giant pumpkins, Frankenstein and Dracula face masks and the like.  We spray fake blood on our mailbox and wrestle with […]

“Four Score and, um…” – by Alison Grambs

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Four score and….um…. uh…  I’m embarrassed to admit that, up until a few weeks ago, I always had to Google that famous Lincoln quote to get the count right. Four score and seven years ago… It’s not that I’m an idiot, mind you.  I mean,  I am an idiot about some things.  For instance, I have no […]

“The Nut Less Cracked”- by Alison Grambs

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One night last week – back when we still had a functioning government – I was nibbling on my new favorite snack. A pistachio nut.   I am eating pistachio nuts at an alarming rate lately, part of my attempt at increasing the protein, fiber, oil, (blah, blah, blah) diet.  Something about my doctor informing […]

“You’re Not Even Supposed To Be Here Right Now”- by Alison Grambs

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“You’re not even supposed to be here right now!” When I think of the most romantic things a man has ever said to me, this is not the sentence that comes to mind.   I stomped out of the kitchen and into our living room with all the grace of a water buffalo.  “WHAT did […]

DE-CONSTRUCTION WORKERS- by Alison Grambs

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  Except for a brief stint as a fetus in New Jersey, I’ve lived in New York City pretty much all of my life.  And despite its reputation for being somewhat perilous, the Big Apple has always been pretty good to me.   Oh sure, there’s been the occasional stroll down a street during which I had […]